Tasmai Namaha Karmane
( I bow to the all-powerful Karma)
“Amrit Peene Se Pahle Vish Peena Padta Hai”. A Hindi proverb
I have been suffering from (you must read this before you go further) Psychotic Depression and Cluster Headaches for the last 18 years, and was not able to do even my basic daily chores properly. One morning I wake up to the call of alarm and the song that I hear on my phone is “Subah Subah Le Shiva Ka Nam Shiva Ayenge Tere Kam” . The previous day my cousin had been playing with my phone and accidentally must have changed the alarm tone. My mother comes and tells me that it is Shivarathri and that I should get ready and go to the temple. I become drowsy and fall asleep. Even though my body is weak, my mind is rejuvenated; it wants to have the darshan of Lord Shiva and Parvathi and want to offer love and gratitude for standing by me and my family during the most difficult and toughest part of life.
I am transported and find myself on the Holy Mount Kailas.The Lord and his consort are surrounded by Lord Ganesha,His consorts Siddhi, and Buddhi, Lord Subramanyam,and his consort Valli daughter of Vishnu Nandi, Bhringi,Veerabhadra, Tumburu, Lord Brahma, Goddess Sarasvati, Lord Vishnu and Goddess Lakshmi, the Saptharishis, Indra and planetary deities, Mother Earth, Danvantri along with the Devas, Ganas, Yakshas, Rakshasas, Daityas, Manus, Prajapathis, Kinnaras, Gandharvas, Rishis, Rishipatnis, Sadhus, Aghoras, Nagas Asvamukhas, Siddhas, Apsaras, Guhyakas,Upadeas, Agamas and many others. There were great festivities going on, everybody was chanting rudram and all were very happy and blissful. The Lord and his consort most benevolently bless everybody. Sumptuous food is served to all. The Divine Couple then give their love and benediction to all. To some they give presents and to some precious gifts, to others, they give wisdom, to some they give their power, to some they gave siddhis, to some, their knowledge. All are very happy and contented, they all take turns to offer their gratitude and salutations to the Divine couple. Then everyone leaves after having a wonderful time.
I was standing at the fag end of the crowd watching the celebrations. I move slowly towards the Divine Couple completely lost in bliss, looking at their beautiful forms.They bless me and ask me what I want.I stand transfixed, thrilled in their presence. As I gain my consciousness I pray that I don’t want anything; only that I be permitted to perform a small task.The all-knowing Lord thinks for a while and nods his head in assent.I slowly move towards the Lord and touch his throat. With the little power that I draw from Him I convert the poison that he accumulated in his throat into nectar. The Lord then closes his eyes for sometime as if He is completely lost in His Self. After a few suspenseful moments He opens his eyes, filled with ever compassionate love and new found joy. He says,”Dont you know what you have done now?” I stand terrified, He opens his arms and gives me a tight hug. A hug so tight that he has not given anyone in his life. After holding me like this for a long time He slowly releases his grip and says”What you have done to me now, I have no words to explain”.
Then He says
“In order to save the 14 lokas that are in my body,I kept the poison in my throat.The poison that came out at the time of churning the ocean.The heat that was generated by the poison was so strong that I fainted and Parvati the mother of creation created the Himalayas to cool my body.Though I recovered after a long time I was never my original self. My mind was so agitated. The consequences were so devastating that I even killed my son Ganesha in a fit of rage. My son Kartikeya got angry with me and went to palani. I gave away boons to all and sundry without knowing the consequence it would have (Basmasura,Ravana Gajaasura).Then my friend Lord Vishnu, to whom I gave half of my body ( Nara narayana) before I married Parvathi, helped me to nullify the consequences of my boons. When I came in form of Baba of Shirdi, I used to get angry with my devotees for no reason.
I have so many devotees, doctors, saints, sages, Gods, demigods and angels at my command. Even my beloved wife, to whom I have given half of my body,my beloved sons whom I have granted the greatest gifts of Buddhi (intelligence) and the power to grant liberation did not have the faintest idea of what I was suffering. Only you knew all the way that I was suffering and you used My power to cure me.
Thoughts and ideas change the course of histories, civilizations, inventions, but your one single thought will change the course of this creation of which I am the master. I am at loss of words,Even if I give you all the power and gifts that i possess and the love that I am. It will be too trivial, compared to what you have done for me. I have to think of what I can give you.
Then I proceed to the Divine Mother who is also full of love and compassion, I ask her that I want to do her a small favor. She closes her eyes to think what the favor would be. After sometime she opens her eyes and asks me to proceed. I close my eyes and touch her stomach and ask that the curse she received from Rati Devi to remain barren and be unable to conceive after Shiva burnt her husband Kama Deva to ashes, be transferred to me. When she hears this, she cannot control her joy and happiness; She too hugs me tightly with tears rolling down her eyes. She tells me, do you know the sorrow a mother holds in her heart and mind when she cannot use her creative force to bring to life a child whom she can bring up with love and care? Due to this thing nagging behind in my mind I could not concentate properly on my creation. I wish I had a son like you who can understand the mind of his Mother. You have done me a favour for which I too have no words to express. Even if I give you all my love and creative force of the universe that I possess, it will not be sufficient.
I bend down and touch their feet with a deep sense of gratitude for bringing me to mount Kailas to have their Darshan and be of whatever little help that I could be to them.
They say “Those who come here will never leave empty- handed; you must ask for something, we will definitely fulfill your wish”. I close my eyes and after some introspection ask them to give me the boon that whenever they need me they should think of me or call me so that i could be of little help to them. “Your Wish is granted. You are blessed:”
I close my eyes thanking God for giving me the idea and take courage and say :”Even if you don’t give me anything keep giving me ideas to serve you in future, so that you are restored to your pristine glory, so that the universe will reach its highest potential”.
Then I say,”Among the readers, those who have access to you will come and ask you whether it is real or a figment of imagination, What should I do?”. The Lord gracefully says: “Let them come,I will act as if nothing has happened, they will go back disappointed and when their inquisitive minds come to rest they will realize the truth. Go in peace and convey our love and blessings to your parents, tell them that good times are ahead of them. They are eagerly waiting for your arrival”. They kiss me and bid goodbye. When I wake up I find my mother is waiting with breakfast and coffee.
God has given me and my family only pain,difficulties and suffering all my life. But the greatest thing He did was he did not allow Faith in Him to diminish.This is the only Gift & blessing He has given us.
I am reminded of a quote of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba given on the occasion of Shivarathri 26-2-2006 Prashanthi Nilayam
“Whatever happens is for your own good. With such firm conviction, you should accept pleasure and pain, good and bad with equanimity. It may be difficult for you to bear misfortunes. You should pray to God to grant you the necessary strength to bear them. You may have difficulties today, but tomorrow it will be different. Difficulties are like passing clouds. They will certainly give way to happiness. Man always strives for happiness. How can he attain it? True happiness lies in union with God. In fact, God is beyond happiness and sorrow. Whatever you may do, He says, “Tathastu” (So shall it be). He showers His blessings on you saying, “Let it be for your own good.” You will be free from sorrow once you understand the Bhagavadtathwa (nature of divinity). If you are undergoing difficulties, do not get disheartened. Have faith that God is making you go through the ordeal for your own good.”
Never take someone for granted, Hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you’ve lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones .
“Subah Subah Le Shiva Ka Nam” sung by Gulshan Kumar